Episode 4 - Melody West: After Them at 50, When Both Parents Die
In this beautiful episode host Bianca Welsh speaks with Melody West about her profound experiences and reflections on the deaths of her parents. Having lost both of them to cancer, her Dad in her 20’s and her Mum in her 40’s, her experience of anticipatory grief, and how each loss altered her life and perspective over time will resonate with many who have to watch loved ones lose their battles with various cancers.
Melody generously shares the ways in which she connects with both of her parents, even though they aren’t here, the supports that worked for her and also discusses the challenges which can come from caring for a loved one through their cancer battle.
They discuss the concept of grief being a 'gift, and the dissonance this can sometimes bring, the perpetual nature of grief, and how one can grow around it rather than moving on from it.
ABOUT MELODY:
Melody is a Launcestonian, born and bred.
Who spent a fair portion of life off the island, but was drawn back and studied here. She met her partner, Nick, and has two beautiful boys and two dogs. She recently left an academic career of 20 years and has moved into a role with the Department of Health in Tasmania.
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In each episode Dr. Mai Frandsen joins Bianca to discuss the key takeaways from each person’s experience and help all of us understand from a therapists perspective how and why things work.
She's a psychologist, health behavior change, consultant and researcher based in Tasmania. She earned her PhD in psychology in 2012 and is internationally recognized for her work in promoting health behavior change using incentives. Dr. Fransden is the owner of Trig Psychology, a private practice located in Tasmania, where she focuses on health behavior change, working with first responders, adolescents, and adults, navigating significant life transitions.Her approach is characterized by authenticity and pragmaticism drawing from her varied life experiences.
She uses a range of psychological treatment paradigms to get the best outcome for her clients. In addition to her private practice, Dr. Fransden serves as a psychologist in schools and is an associate researcher at the University of Tasmania. Her research primarily focuses on smoking cessation, particularly among pregnant women, and has led Tasmania wide clinical trials exploring the efficacy of novel incentive based interventions.
Having stepped away from active research, Mai's passion project is science communication and can often be heard on ABC radio sharing mental health hacks. Originally from Denmark. She has called Tasmania Home since 1994. Beyond her professional pursuits, she enjoys engaging in outdoor adventures, endurance sports, and traveling both locally and abroad with her sons.
RESOURCES
Beyond Blue or ph: 1300 224 636
Lifeline or ph: 13 11 14
Griefline or ph: 1300 845 745
Relationships Australia Tasmanian branch - Grief Counsellors or ph: 1300 364 277
32 Journal Prompts for Grieving and Loss
Melody’s Book Suggestions:
On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross M.D. and David Kessler
Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe - Laura Lynne Jackson
Internal Family Systems - what is it?
Internal Family Systems - Dr. Richard Schwarz (IFS founder) on the Huberman Lab
Music Credit: “Denali” by Bryant Lowry.
Written by Bryant Richard Lowry (BMI).
Published by Boss Soundstripe Productions (BMI).
Licensed via Soundstripe Inc.
Cover Image: Eden Wilday
00:00 Introduction to the Grief Collection Podcast
00:55 Why a Grief Podcast?
02:14 Acknowledging Sensitive Topics
03:05 Guest Introduction: Melody West
04:00 Melody's Loss Journey: Losing a Parent
06:35 The Gift of Grief
26:12 Anticipatory Grief and Its Challenges
29:41 Navigating Grief in Daily Life
34:18 The Importance of Vulnerability in Grief Conversations
38:30 Navigating Condolences and the Fear of Saying the Wrong Thing
38:58 Books and Resources for Grief
40:15 The Long Journey of Grief
40:58 The Concept of Moving Forward, Not Moving On
41:16 The Early Stages of Grief
42:00 The Importance of Vulnerability in Grief
42:37 Growing Around Grief
43:09 Adapting to Grief and Life Changes
43:53 Advice to My Past Self
44:49 The Role of Psychological Assistance
45:32 Normalizing Conversations About Grief
46:30 Introducing Dr. Mai Frandsen
48:07 The Gift in Grief
56:23 Understanding Trauma and Its Impact
59:31 Anticipatory Grief and Its Challenges
01:04:19 Internal Family Systems Therapy
01:08:37 Wisdom and Hope in Grief
01:12:00 Final Thoughts and Dedication