This time of the year is an extra tricky time when we have a significant loved one missing, add on top of that for us we’re now approaching Herb’s 3rd birthday. That means all the third anniversaries of everything going wrong. Three, I feel, is a big milestone for a living child, they are well and truly becoming who they are and will be in to the future.

I’ve heard the second year can almost be worse than the first year, and I’m beginning to understand why.

It’s Christmas time…where it’s meant to be magical, wholesome, lovely and fun, but we can all admit the busyness of life, the pressure to make it magical, the forced social interactions can all make it incredibly anxiety inducing and exhausting, let alone the grief or loss factor that can be experienced by (probably) the majority in a range of different ways and reasons.

…I’ve got this unrealistic expectation that I’ve ticked all the boxes of triggering things through the pregnancy because that was so damn hard, and now when things come to smack me around the head, I’m so unprepared they knock me for six.

After the safe arrival of our daughter, now 5 weeks postpartum, I’ve been reflecting on the pregnancy journey and I can wholeheartedly say it was absolutely, completely and utterly the second hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and get through, second that is only to saying goodbye to Herbert that final time…

I had felt a grief bomb waiting to come with this baby surpassing the age of Herb dying. The thought of it made me immensely sad. Of course the trauma brain would tell me I won’t get there at all. But, here we are. I hate the fact Herb is not here, I hate the fact he didn’t get to join our family and live a normal life. I hate that he died. I hate my body caught a parasite. I hate my body for letting it cross the placenta….

35+3 today, the c-section is booked for the 10th August, less than 4 weeks to go. Comparing this pregnancy to Herb’s is difficult to look past. Comparison is a natural, human thing we do, subconsciously, consciously in many different ways. At 34+5 we discovered a problem with Herbie’s brain at a routine appointment with our obstetrician. So, naturally I’ve been stressing out that something would go wrong now.

Feeling uncomfortable and an impending doom of difficult dates and milestones to get through over the next 5 weeks navigating pregnancy after loss.

Many would expect when you’ve experienced baby loss something like gender disappointment would be far from your mind. But it isn’t, it’s just another layer on top of the grief and the trauma we experience. Then you add on the guilt from the possible PTSD you experience and then add on guilt for feeling the disappointment. It’s a lot to carry all at once. So, a little post about what many, not all, but many in the loss world might be experiencing.

How can we help those we love and care about, which are often those we work alongside day in day out? By understanding and educating ourselves on positive mental health practices but also on understanding our own selves, our emotions, personality, beliefs and biases. La Sardina Loca is supporting the Tasmanian hospitality industry by donating $2 from each Negroni sold during Negroni week (12th - 18th Sept) to support a program by From Experience for the hospitality industry.

Substance misuse, abuse and addiction, we all have our vices but what if those vices are taking over someones life and having a detrimental impact on, not only themselves, but your team and business? What if the line is being crossed? What do you do?

I sat down with this employee and asked; How are you? How are you finding the job? What can we do for you to give you the tools to get better? But how are you, really? I’ve noticed perhaps you’re quite anxious. They explained they were feeling particularly anxious, had feelings of worthlessness and not being good enough. We talked through these thoughts, and I reassured them they were irrational. However, the most significant outcome from this conversation was that I identified this person needed help, help that I could not provide.