Episode 10: Peter Westcoast - Talking About Talking About Dying; With a Palliative Care Nurse
In this conversation, Peter talks candidly about what it's like to sit with people who are dying — and their families — and why he believes our culture is so bad at talking about death.
We talk about the gap between where people say they want to die and where they actually do, the reality of what caring for someone at home really involves, and why hospice care — done well — can be one of the kindest environments there is. Peter reflects on the language he's had to build for this work: choosing "distress" over "agitation," "calming" over "sedating," and death over the euphemisms so many of us reach for instead. He also opens up about his own relationship to mortality, the toll — and the strange gift — of witnessing death so often, and what he wishes everyone understood before they ever need this kind of care.
This is a raw, generous conversation about presence, language, and what it really means to be person-centred when someone is dying.
Bianca is then joined by Emma Keen, psychologist, burnout and trauma expert to unpack the episode.
Content note: This episode discusses death and dying in a hospice or similar setting. Please take care when listening.
About Peter:
Peter is a palliative care nurse, currently working as part of a consulting team in a public tertiary hospital. Before nursing, Peter was a hardware retailer, photo lab manager, forklift driver, apprentice, electrician, drillers offsider, petrol pumper, amongst other things. He's been a nurse for 17 years, initially, in various roles before eventually finding his way to palliative care. And as soon as he started doing this work, he knew he'd found his place. He worked in inpatient palliative care hospice for four years before starting his current position seven years ago.
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In Episode 10 Emma Keen joins Bianca to discuss the key takeaways from each person’s experience and help all of us understand from a therapists perspective how and why things work.
Emma Keen is a psychologist with over sixteen years' experience across mental health and performance psychology, supporting adults with loss, trauma, anxiety and the demands of performance.
She is particularly passionate about working in the burnout, compassion fatigue, and vicarious trauma space to assist those in high-impact professions to sustain career longevity and wellbeing. She also works in sport and performance psychology with athletes, teams and multi-passionate high performers, and delivers keynotes, workshops and in-house training across both areas.
She is also an EMDR accredited consultant with EMDRAA (EMDR Association Australia) and holds additional qualifications in social work and nutrition, as well as writing books for children in her spare time.
Emma’s website - The Mindset Psych
Music Credit: “Denali” by Bryant Lowry. Written by Bryant Richard Lowry (BMI). Published by Boss Soundstripe Productions (BMI). Licensed via Soundstripe Inc.
Cover Image: Eden Wilday
CHAPTERS
00:00 Acknowledgement of Country
00:54 Why This Grief Podcast
02:13 Meet Peter Palliative Nurse
03:01 From Odd Jobs to Nursing
07:47 Finding Palliative Care
10:20 Talking About Death
12:16 Denial and Acceptance Story
16:26 Being Present at Death
18:18 What Palliative Care Really Does
24:30 Dying at Home Reality
30:39 Culture Rituals and Ethics
32:30 Seeing the Body Matters
35:04 How the Job Changes You
39:18 Words That Help Families
42:40 Personal Loss and Funerals
43:54 Hearse Reality Hits
44:17 Rebuilding a Worldview
45:34 Making Death Normal
46:52 Relieving Treatment Tension
49:34 Food and Appetite Reassurance
52:01 Planning and Family Talks
55:03 VAD Neutral Support
58:58 How Clinicians Grieve
01:02:10 Psychologist Debrief Begins
01:05:00 Trauma and Overwhelm
01:13:06 Language and Meaning Making
01:19:55 Burnout and Resilience
01:25:35 No Timeline for Grief
01:29:43 Closing Dedication and Disclaimer